What's With the Hate for Hancock?

So, evidently there are a lot of negative reviews about Hancock. I've read a couple and I understand their arguments, but I have to wonder if they ever actually thought about the plot before they went ranting. I'm going to try and untangle the web that these critics are weaving, but in the process I'm going to have to let loose a boat-load of spoilers, so if you haven't seen it, don't read past this paragraph. Suffice it to say that if you really think about what's going on, you will enjoy the movie.

Much of the criticism comes from wondering why such a fail-hero would would even try to help out at all. Alright, that's fair, I guess, if you look at it superficially. But I think it's a problem that can be solved by a single solution. A solution that also solves a second problem: why is he a fail-hero in the first place? Let me see if I can work through this with you...

John Hancock has lived for thousands of years with his wife, Mary. The two of them are part of a race of beings that are the origin of god mythology. When certain pairs of them get together, their powers are reduced, but still present. It's never explicitly stated that they are able to age when they're together (since they don't age when they're apart), but for the sake of this argument, I'd like to present that they still retain their eternal life so long as they don't get shot or hacked up or blown apart. So for part of their several-thousand-year life they had the powers of a god while for the rest of the time they were mere mortals who could live an awfully long time.

Let's say that for the first thousand years they played god with the rest of their race. But then after a while this race began to die off. When they figured out why, they decided to lay low. Hancock and Mary eventually fall deeply in love with each other. They get married and live quiet lives as long-living mortals for the next few thousand years. Hancock is happy, Mary is happy, they run into bumps along the way, but they generally live a comfortable life... for thousands of years.

Then suddenly it's the 1930's and they decide to go see a movie. On the way there they are attacked by muggers, Hancock is hit in the head and amnesia ensues. In the hospital, Mary decides that it's best for the both of them if they just stay apart. She moves on with her life and marries Ray... But Hancock, for the first time in THOUSANDS of years, is alone without a clue for who he is or what he is. Somewhere deep inside, Hancock is missing the one thing in his life that has kept his eternal existence stable and secure.

It doesn't take long for people to realize he has super-powers, so he decides he's a superhero. He thinks maybe this is his destiny and maybe this is what will make him happy. It fails. But he knows nothing else. So he continues. Meanwhile, the fact that he just doesn't care one iota about his own life (because he's missing something that he had for thousands of years) leads him to be sloppy in his crime-fighting, causing collateral damage of which a hurricane would be proud. Still, he's a natural-born protector, so he keeps on protecting.

Perhaps this carelessness causes Hancock to be sporadic in his rescue attempts. We open the movie with a child having to wake Hancock out of a deep sleep in order to stop some bad-guys. This leads me to think that maybe a lot of the crimes are just missed. Either because he's sleeping, nursing a hangover or just doesn't give a frak. Maybe this is why criminals believe they have a chance at getting away, and maybe this is why they believe they can challenge the superhero when he comes around. After all, it doesn't appear that he ever has the chutzba to actually kill anyone, so why not push the envelope a little and bluff their way out? The worst bodily harm he ever intentionally does to a person in the movie is cut their hand off. Of course, that's debatable... what he did to those two prisoners should never be attempted by anyone... ever...

So, Hancock has these superpowers and everyone knows about it. But they also know he's a jerk. I wouldn't be surprised if some people called him up once or twice and asked him to help out a little. He knows he's most people's only hope, so, true to his word, when people turn against him, he doesn't care what people think. I like to think that maybe sometimes he keeps up the superhero act out of spite. But why is he such a jerk? Why does he fail so badly at being a superhero? Because he's scarred and jaded by the decision of his only true love to leave him alone after thousands of happily married years. He may not remember who she is, but deep inside he knows something is missing. And it pisses him off that he can't figure out what.

A couple of mild arguments against the movie include that it doesn't know what kind of movie it is and that it's not really all that funny. Well, the movie has a lot to cover in order for us to get an idea of who Hancock is and who Ray is, but especially of the relationship between Hancock and Mary and what they decide to reveal to us about their past. I think the crossing between so many different "movies" reveals a depth of story-telling that is sadly lacking in much of modern media. It shows the characters are more than just images on a screen - they have more dimension than a lot of real people I know.

Really, the only argument that comes close to being valid is that it's not very funny. Don't get me wrong, though, there are some humorous parts. To be fair, however, there are humorous parts in Iron Man, which is not billed as a comedy. And I think that's the problem. The producers decided to call it a comedy when really it's more of an action/adventure. If they would have just called it that, then people would go to see it for the action and be pleasantly surprised by the light humor.

So there's my two cents worth... or... twenty dollars worth. Take it or leave it. I enjoyed Hancock and I think that most of America will like it, too. Maybe it won't win any awards, but when it comes down to it, it's all about entertainment value, and I think Hancock has a lot of it.

Hancock: Think Outside the Comic Book

Why It's a Geek Movie
Superheroes... plain and simple. He may not have been born in a comic book, but the idea itself was. Only a geek has the capacity to imagine the abilities, flaws and awesomeness of a superhero.

What's it About?
Hancock is a superhero living in L.A. He lives out of a trailer, has a problem with alcohol, doesn't remember anything past 80 years ago (oh, yeah, he doesn't age) and rescues people more out of obligation than of charity. As a result, his heroic efforts are often disastrous, leading the city to hate him and call for his incarceration. In the mix is thrown publicist, Ray Embrey, who helps Hancock clean up his public image as a favor in return for saving him from a train, and Ray's wife, who seems to have conflicting feelings regarding the superhero.

How to Appreciate It
...I'm trying to think of someone saying "This movie was the stupidest movie ever" and following that up with a good reason. With this movie we have successfully created a completely new and original superhero free from the bonds of established canon, but still holding to the expectations of superhero convention... while at the same time completely demolishing them. If you really wanted to hate this movie you could follow the tired argument that superheroes can never exist and could never be real, thus making stories about them stupid... but, really, when was the last time we saw a good movie that could actually happen?

Is it Worth It?
Hancock gives you a completely new and original story about an unconventional superhero. Not only is the story deep and compelling, but the effects are untraceable, the cinematics are beautiful and the acting is both fitting and convincing. My personal vow to not give anything away forbids me from revealing too much about the plot, but I can tell you that the details of Hancock's past are what kept me glued to the dialog. I had to know what was going on, and when it was revealed, it not only satisfied, but left me hungry for more! Needless to say, Hancock is wide open for a sequel.

Yes, it's worth it. Even if it doesn't end up on your favorites list, you will still be entertained. Five completely arbitrary stars!

Wanted: Take Control

Why It's a Geek Movie
Pretty much the only thing besides a strong sense of sarcastic humor that obligates me to categorize this movie in the Geek file is the fact that it's based on a comic book.  If it weren't for those painstakingly drawn pages, I would have been forced to skip it and leave it up to those guys who get their jollies from action flicks.

What's it About?
Wesley Gibson (James McAvoy) is a nobody and he knows it.  That is until he meets Fox (Angelina Jolie).  She opens a door for him to an underground group of assassins called The Fraternity.  They tell him that his father, who was one of them, has been killed and his mission is to kill his father's killer.  Trained by The Fraternity and able to do amazing things with bullets, Wesley sets out on his quest... and finds the truth.

How to Appreciate It
This movie is bloody and irreverent, but it fittingly deals with the bloody and irreverent lifestyles assassins.  You pretty much have to go into it with that in mind.  A good rule of thumb is that if you don't want to see violence, don't see a movie about assassins.

If you can get past that, though, the story of Wanted gives a clear message about taking control of your life.  I'm sure most the people who go see this will be there for the eye-candy: bullet-time, car chases and... Angelina Jolie.  But if you're in it for something deeper, it's there.

Is it Worth It?
If you're in it for something deeper, it's there... but not clearly enough.  There's a great twist in the plot but not only does it take about three quarters of the movie to get to it, and not only is it one of the most predictable twists you could make, but it's pretty much the only twist.

That's about it for the storyline.  As far as the action goes, it's exciting, incredible and quite solid.  They didn't do anything wrong with that.  Every now and then they injected a couple CC's of biting, irreverent humor that will potentially make you laugh out loud.  So if you're just along for the ride, you'll probably enjoy it.  The rest is just kinda... meh.

What you take away from this movie is to take control of your life.  I'm pretty sure you can learn that in everyday life without all the killing.

Wall-E: Robots Have All the Fun

Why It's a Geek Movie
Sci-fi, robots, and gorgeous CGI. Doesn't get much geekier than that.

What's it About?
Humans have left earth after leaving it a complete wreck. So in the true nature of the human spirit, they hiked up their pants and... lazily left the cleanup to robots. Several Wall-E units were left behind to... evidently make humongous piles of organized trash and after 700 years only one unit is left operational. In the meantime, the fat, lazy humans buzzing around in their hover-chairs, sipping on meals and gawking at their holographic screens millions of miles away on the starship Axiom, send Eve probes to Earth every now and then to see if it is able to support life. That is when Eve meets Wall-E and finds what every robot longs for... a living plant. I mean love. Both, really... But her directive is to find life. When Eve is taken back to the Axiom, Wall-E desperately follows her, and when none of the humans believe she actually found life, the quest to prove herself begins.

How to Appreciate It
This is another movie that's difficult not to appreciate. It's hilarious, action-packed, and full of story. But if you're not into the whole cutesy thing, you might groan your way through. Suck it up! Be a man and admit that you chuckled when Wall-E cowered behind the rock that Eve shot a hole through!

Is it Worth It?
Wall-E is another Pixar triumph! I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS. From a general viewers standpoint, there was a lot to laugh about and a lot to gawk at. From a writer's standpoint, there was a whole universe of story going on besides the main plot. There was a backstory, a main story and several subplots that fit seamlessly into the main plot. The supporting robots were hilarious and helpful, the humans, though sadly misshapen from 700 years of letting robots do everything for them, were altruistic and willing to help once they knew what was going on, and the physics of space were spot-on...

Just like Mo was willing to jump his travel track to follow Wall-E, so you should consider making the effort to watch the robot yourself! I don't care if you don't have kids! Who said this was a kids' movie?? Just because it's animated doesn't mean it teaches you your ABC's! I don't care how old you are - go see Wall-E. You'll enjoy it.

Get Smart: That's the Second Greatest Spy Comedy I've Ever Seen

Why It's a Geek Movie
As I noted in the Indiana Jones review, nostalgia is a big part of geekdom. A geek will be one of the first to be able to tell you every line of dialog of every episode of every season of the original Get Smart TV show. Also, every geek longs to be a spy. Just admit it. C'mon. Really. I mean, if it's not a ninja or a pirate, a very close third is a spy.

What's it About?
Would you believe... a spy more manly and sexually potent than the combination of Peirce Brosnan, Sean Connery and Matt Damon put together? How about just one of them? How about a generally unlucky and geeky annalyst who happens to know what he's doing in the field?

Maxwell Smart is a analyst for Control, a spy agency that was "officially" disbanded at the end of the cold war. They still run covert operations keeping their rival, Kaos, on check. When the identities of all the field agents are revealed in a raid on the Control base, Max is promoted to field agent since no one knows who he is. This is his chance to prove himself to Chief and his hot partner, Agent 99.

Really, the plot is pretty simple to follow. Just like the TV show, it wasn't so much about the plot as it was about the laughs.

How to Appreciate It
If you're looking for a clone of Don Adams, you're not going to find it. This is not the Maxwell Smart you know and love. But at the same time, it absolutely is! Maxwell Smart was originally a spoof of James Bond. James Bond, along with his charm, is best known for his older movies - the ones that represent the sixties and seventies pretty well. What they tried to do, and what, in my opinion, they succeeded in doing with this movie is to take the same idea and apply it to an updated anchor - Jason Borne. The Borne Identity represents our current era much better than any thought of Dr. No or The Spy Who Loved Me. But along with this updated vision, they still had a comic legacy to maintain from the original Get Smart. Well not only would it totally not fit for Steve Carrell to do a spot-on Don Adams impression in the middle of a realistic Borne Identity spoof, but it would do the original a disservice. To appreciate this movie, understand that updating a classic means giving and taking. In the end, you're going to have to end up taking it as it is... and loving it.

Is it Worth It?
To be honest, I don't think I've ever laughed any harder at a Steve Carrell movie! Don't get me wrong, I love the guy and think he's hilarious, but that's just how good this particular project was. Maybe it was the combination of hilarity and nostalgia, but at one point I think I almost ran out of breath. I honestly believe that if Zombie Don Adams rose from his grave and saw this movie he would break one of his brittle, decaying ribs from laughter before brutally devouring the rest of the audience. And then maybe he'd grab for someone, slip on some buttery popcorn on the floor, fall to the ground and say "Missed it by that much!" The guy would laugh... and it would be the last laugh he ever laughed.

Enough about Zombie Don Adams. You will enjoy this movie more than any zombie could ever dream of enjoying any piece of art. Go see it now and I will personally guarantee that you will enjoy it or my money back.

The Incredible Hulk: Hulk DOES Smash!

::blink:: Wait, hold on...

Let me catch my breath...

::INHALE:: ... ::exhale::.... Ok... ok, I think I'm good... Let's do this.

Why It's a Geek Movie
I think we covered this in the Iron Man review. Movies based on comic book characters will always be in the geek realm.

What's it About?
Bruce Banner, a scientist who creates a process by which he believes humans can prevent radiation poisoning, ends up fudging his experiment by turning himself blah blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda - we all know about the Hulk. He's the big green guy who smashes things. The government wants him as a weapon and he just wants to get rid of his little anger problem. The real story this time, though, is that a power hungry dude is after the same kind of power the Hulk has. He turns himself into The Abomination and epic city-smashing ensues.

How to Appreciate It
Let's get this clear from the get-go... Hulk (2003) is to The Incredible Hulk (2008) as Batman (1989) is to Batman Begins (2005). The two movies have absolutely nothing to do with each other... and that's a good thing. It's an incredibly good thing. One might say it's an awesome thing. So if your grief with this movie is that the last one didn't fare too well, then get over yourself and go to the theater now.

If you're going to be nit-picky you're probably going to pick out how in the world any kind of process can randomly generate more mass than it began with since Bruce seems to get heavier as he transforms... Ok, so the physics are off... since when has that stopped us from enjoying a good action flick, eh? Suspend your disbelief for a while and enjoy the ride!

Is it Worth It?
In case you haven't caught it by now, the answer is yes. The CG is flawless, the storyline is deep enough to enjoy, but shallow enough to follow, the acting is convincing and the cameos... Oh, the cameos! But I won't spoil anything for you. You probably already know what people make appearances, but in case you don't, I won't spoil it.

The best part of this movie is the action! It jumps right into the action by by-passing the long, drawn-out origin story by way of a montage in the opening credits. We see Banner sitting in his experiment chair, changing a bit, smashing a bit, then running away. We're left with a good impression of how this all started so we can jump right into the real story: how he can stop it.

The best part about the story in general (besides the movie) was how it ties in with the universe of Iron Man. Hints are dropped here and there and then your mind is blown at the very end. That's all I'll say.

Yes it's worth it! Go see it now! OR I SMASH!

Kung Fu Panda: Prepare for Awesomeness

Why It's a Geek Movie
Kung Fu. The ancient Chinese martial art masters both mind and body, and while most geeks only have a handle on some of the mind part, it's no secret that a true geek gawks at a Kung Fu master with the greatest of respect, admiration and awe. And he dreams every night that he can do the same things.

And, of course, geeks have a special brand of humor that, while not exclusive to them, is appreciated the most by them. It's the perfect blend of stupidity and intelligence. Where dull as a hammer and sharp as a needle meet, you will find the awkward silences, the thudded facepalms and the absurd exaggerations that make geeks guffaw. Jack Black and the team that put this film together seem to understand this brand of humor better than a lot of people.

What's it About?
Po, the panda, works at a noodle shop with his father (a goose?) and dreams of becoming the greatest Kung Fu master of all time. Of course, he never believes this dream will come true until Oogway accidentally chooses him as the Dragon Master and the only one capable of defeating Tai Lung, a dangerous Kung Fu master who once sought to be the Dragon Master himself. The story revolves around having to form this flabby, pathetic excuse for a fighter into a warrior by believing in his own capabilities and being trained in the manner for which he is most suited: through food.

How to Appreciate It
Why are adults turned off by cartoons?? I don't get it! It's like just because it's animated it's for kids! Anime totally blows that theory out of the water...

To appreciate this movie you have to get over the fact that it's about a village full of talking animals. Kung Fu itself uses different animals to represent different styles of fighting. In the same way, animals can be representative of various character types, just as in Kung Fu Panda. Yes, it's animated, but it also has a rich storyline and hilarious comedy. Animation is not exclusive to children - that's a just a fact you're going to have to face.

Is it Worth It?
Most definitely. I'm not even going to ad an "if" to that - if you go to see it, you will not regret it... crap, that was an "if."

The animation is beautiful, the voice acting is real, the storyline is rich and as vibrant as the jaw-dropping scenery. What I was most surprised by is the cast. Of course Jack Black plays the part of Po, but this film also boasts such names as Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu and Jackie Chan! Who knew?!

Of course, I was watching it from a writer's perspective, meaning I was paying the closest attention to the story. It did not disappoint! As always, I will not ruin the story for you, but suffice it to say that depth was not a problem in this 3D-modeled movie!

Kung Fu Panda has my approval! If you see anything this summer, see Iron Man... and then Kung Fu Panda.

Steve Also Reviews Movies

I've totally been shown up by Jen Reviews Movies. I thought I could get away with just posting reviews when the movie comes out, but she's got so much more! Including a potentially embarrassing picture of Eric Bana.


I shall not be out-done! I need a video camera... Where's my video camera? ...Where's my money to buy a good video camera?

::finds webcam::

...::cough::... where's my video camera??

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Yeah, I'm Old, So What?

Why It's a Geek Movie
I'm trying to work on an all-inclusive definition of the term "Geek Movie." Whatever it ends up being, it's definitely going to have within it something about imaginative stories and nostalgia. This movie definitely has both. Geeks have an uncanny ability to be more imaginative than most. Find the most creative people on the planet and they'll usually turn out to be the biggest geeks. And they would be able to go on for hours about their favorite movie or TV show that they first saw when they were a little kid. Imaginative stories and nostalgia - this is at the heart of the newest installment of the Indiana Jones legacy.

What's it About?
Henry Jones Jr. has grown older and wiser from the adventures in his younger years. Part of those adventures includes an unseen foray into World War II where he evidently fought as, at one point, a double-agent. The movie opens, however, with him in the trunk of a car. The evil Russian Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) has abducted him in order to find something that she believes is in Area 51. She brings him to an awfully familiar-looking huge storage facility filled to the brim with wooden boxes. Both Irina and the audience both find what they're looking for. Irina exits the facility with her alien corpse and during the action sequence that brings Indy out of this mess, a box breaks open revealing what the audience is looking for: the Ark of the Covenant. But don't worry, the Ark has nothing to do with the rest of the story. We're just acknowledging that it is, indeed, the same place.

When Indy is fired from the university because of possible communist ties, he meets up with a boy who says his mother told him that Indy can help him find his beloved archeologist friend who was also Indy's friend. When Indy agrees, he's thrust into a another wild adventure the likes of which not even the great Indiana Jones has ever seen before.

How to Appreciate It
Watch it.

Is it Worth It?
In short, yes. It doesn't matter what your take on movies is, when you watch an Indiana Jones movie it is pure entertainment, and this is no exception. It's probably the funniest movie out of the four, of course this time it has the other three to which to refer back in its comedy. That's not to say it's dependent on the others, but knowing the others sure helps. Aside from the comedy is the relentless action that we've come to expect from Harrison's most beloved character. (Ooo... that's tough... Indy or Han?)

The story is what has me thinking, though. If you didn't catch it from the "alien corpse" thing above, there's a lot of stuff going on that is quite new to Indiana Jones. Sure, Indy has always dealt with the supernatural. He has uncovered the Ark of the Covenant, he drank from the Holy Grail, he even almost got his heart ripped out non-surgically... But aliens? Never aliens... Time will tell if aliens were a good addition to the saga. I personally think it was handled beautifully, though. Some people may differ, but I ask them to take the movie for the movie's sake. Just because there haven't been aliens in previous Indy movies, does that make it a bad movie as a whole? Not at all. The Indiana Jones saga is all about an archeologist whipping communist butt while making hilarious, dry quips about his situation. And that's exactly what he did.

Prince Caspian: Random Bear FTW

If you've seen an episode of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, then you may remember seeing the Random Bear. He shows up every now and then to do something awkward and garner some nervous laughter... Well, he must have a magical wardrobe or something, because somehow he found his way into Narnia. About three quarters of the way into the movie we finally recognize him. Perhaps it would have been better if he had never spoken. But the biggest laugh of the film comes from when Random Bear says "For Aslan!" He sounds like a retarded hobo. And I don't know whether it's because now that I've recognized him for what he is I see him everywhere, but it seems like he's in absolutely every scene after that awkward moment whether he belongs or not.

Why It's a Geek Movie
Fantasy is the domain of the geek. It seems the higher the intelligence, the more apt one is to imagine those things that cannot happen. If ever there was a geekier Christian than C. S. Lewis, I don't know where to find him.

What's it About?
In The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, four children find a magical land after traveling through a wardrobe and through an exciting turn of events, they become Kings and Queens of Narnia. Turns out time travels quite a bit faster in Narnia than on Earth. When the kids go back a year later, hundreds of years have passed in Narnia, a human kingdom has invaded and taken over Narnia and the rightful heir to the throne has a price on his head set by his uncle who craves the crown. It's up to Peter, Susan, Edmond and Lucy to reclaim Narnia for the Narnians and hand its rule over to the rightful king: Caspian.

How to Appreciate It
I never actually read this book, though I did read the first one. It seems with any book-turned-movie there are a few things to consider. They are not going to be exactly the same, that's just a given. In order to appreciate any of these kinds of movies, one has to take a tip from Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He has had his story turned into a series of novels, a radio show series, a video game, a TV series and a movie and every time it's almost completely different from the first time. But Douglas doesn't mind that at all. Adams treats every incarnation of the story as a new story in itself. And this is how to appreciate any adaptation: realize that when you go into a theater, it's not to read a book, it's to watch an entirely different story on the big screen. Try to appreciate the movie for itself, and forget about whether or not it's anything like the book.

Is it Worth It?
Have you ever known someone who's accidentally wronged you and apologized profusely afterwords? Did this person also come up to you several times after you'd forgiven them and apologized some more? And then, after a while, did he start apologizing for apologizing so much? If you have, then you're starting to get the idea of the bulk of this movie. The first one was criticized as being too boring, so they tried to beef up the action in this one. And beef it up they did. Almost every single scene of the first half of the movie there was some kind of useless conflict going on. I didn't mind at first, but it started to get to the point where it was kind of silly. All things considered, though, it's still got my approval. If you can get past the profuse apologies, it's worth it in the end to laugh at the Random Bear.